Cover Letter for Submission of New Drug Gretamine for Emergency-Use FDA Authorization, Submitted by High Tide Therapeutics Ltd. on February 21, 2028

To whom it may concern:

Four years ago, researchers at Yale University first characterized the mental health epidemic of chronic climate dysphoria—a disorder defined by severe anxiety symptoms in response to chronic exposure to the inexorable impacts of climate change. In the four years since, we at High Tide Therapeutics have been hard at work on a new medication to address this crisis. Today, we humbly submit for your review the result of these efforts: Gretamine.

Gretamine is a hybrid small-molecule drug and medical device, conveniently packaged in a capsule. Its design draws on one of the key insights generated by the mental healthcare field in the late 2010s and early 2020s, particularly in the treatment of gender dysphoria. This is the principle that mental distress is best treated not (as was formerly believed) by gradually acclimatizing the patient to their fears or to uncomfortable truths, but by altering the patient’s body or mind so that the uncomfortable truths no longer apply to them. We believe that just as a patient born into the body of the wrong gender can medically be put into one of the right gender, a climate dysphoria sufferer can be medically transplanted into a world whose climate is not changing.

The effects of the small-molecule part of Gretamine are as follows: First, a controlled retardation of the patient’s creation of red blood cells, inducing a mild state of anemia that makes the patient feel 2 degrees Fahrenheit colder than she otherwise would. (2 degrees Fahrenheit is the average difference between preindustrial temperatures and present ones.) Gretamine can be easily reformulated to adapt to future temperature fluctuations, as Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) data indicates. Additionally, Gretamine contains a version of an on-the-market muscle relaxant with the side effect of inducing photophobia. Gretamine patients, whenever they travel outdoors, will be blinded by the light in a way that simulates a blanket of fresh white snow covering the ground.

But altering the patient’s physical experience is only half the equation. The small-molecule drug portion of Gretamine would be as nothing if the patient could be reminded of climate change simply by hearing mention of it on a newscast or conversation. Thus, the truly revolutionary second half of the Gretamine capsule: a microchip that lodges in the patient’s brain and induces a dissociative fugue state any time the patient hears or reads a mention of climate change. Inspired by VidAngel—the video streaming service widely used by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to bypass offensive or blasphemous content in movies and television shows—Gretamine’s chip enables the patient’s brain to “skip” triggering climate change content in real life. If the content is true (e.g., alerting uninformed listeners to the effects of climate change or bolstering the case for increased government control over energy usage), the Gretamine chip will simply put the patient into an amnestic trance and wake her up when the triggering content has concluded. If the content is false (e.g., downplaying the threat of climate change or arguing that more autonomy over energy choices should be returned to the public), the chip is internet-enabled to report the incident to appropriate authorities.

We believe that by bringing together these two innovative elements—small-molecule and microchip—Gretamine represents a significant improvement over standard of care for chronic climate dysphoria. Not only do Gretamine’s physiological and psychoactive elements alleviate sufferers’ distress; they also have the ability, if widely deployed, to solve one of today’s seminal policy problems. For decades, our political leaders have disseminated the useful fiction that it was realistic for humans to stop, or even to reverse, climate change. The increasingly unavoidable task of admitting this fiction is fraught with political risk for those leaders. A far better alternative is a populace that, with the help of Gretamine, forgets the whole thing.

For the aforementioned reasons, and in light of the data herein contained, we hope for your swift approval of Gretamine for emergency use.

Respectfully submitted.